The Cat Ball(01 of30)
Open Image ModalThe Cat Ball serves two functions: It\'s a place for your lazy cat to while away some of the 20 hours it spends sleeping, and it\'s a way to teach kids about the food chain. ($99, TheCatBall.com) (credit:TheCatBall.com)
The Toilet Water Dish(02 of30)
Open Image ModalTo badly paraphrase Jane Austen: \"It is a truth universally acknowledged, that dogs love drinking out of the toilet.\" This can lead to a mess for a variety of reasons, plus, it\'s just gross. The toilet-shaped dog water bowl allows Fido to get his potty water fix in a more socially acceptable manner. ($19.95, Stupid.com) (credit:Stupid.com)
Decorative Santa In The Out(03 of30)
Open Image ModalSanta is usually depicted on a sleigh or near a Christmas tree, but if he\'s like most men after the age of 50, he probably spends a substantial amount of time on the john. This statue honors Mr. Claus by depicting him in an outhouse. Jolly old elf, indeed. ($15.99, Menards.com) (credit:Menards.com)
Portrait Of Darth Vader Sipping Tea Amongst The Flowers(04 of30)
Open Image ModalLooking for a portrait that will brighten any wall in the house? This portrait of Darth Vader sipping tea amongst flowers certainly fills that need. \"Luke, I am your father. Pass the cream, please.\" ($25, Etsy.com) (credit:Etsy.com)
Bigfoot Garden Statue(05 of30)
Open Image ModalGarden gnomes are so passe, especially when your garden can have a Sasquatch statue near the roses. It\'s not as a big as a real Bigfoot, but, thankfully, it\'s not as smelly, either. ($156.95, Discovery Channel Store) (credit:Discovery.com)
Potty Piano(06 of30)
Open Image ModalSinging in the shower? Bah! Playing piano on the potty? Now that\'s special. Learn to play \"Jingle Bells\" on this 13-note keyboard and you will be a whiz to be reckoned with. Luckily it\'s battery-operated so you won\'t get electrocuted if you accidentally leak on the keyboard. ($39.99, Thegiftsformen.com) (credit:TheGiftsForMen.com)
"Personalized" David Hasselhoff Autographed Poster(07 of30)
Open Image ModalWant to get your loved ones a big gift of cheese that doesn\'t need refrigeration? This \"personalized\" David Hasselhoff autographed poster is just the ticket. The term \"personalized\" is in quotes because the \"Baywatch\" bohunk is not actually in a room signing these pics. A machine duplicates his autograph. However, that means you can have \"David\" write anything you want. Anything. Boggles the mind, don\'t it? ($19.95, StarGifts.com) (credit:Stargifts.com)
Krampus Christmas Demon Costume(08 of30)
Open Image ModalSanta Claus has a better press agent, but the Krampus is also a popular Christmas tradition in countries that speak German. The idea is that he punishes kids who\'ve been very naughty. Certainly, a costume like this will win hands down over any sweater at the holiday part. Even better: since the Krampus is supposed to punish the naughty, you can use this to your advantage, if you get my drift. ($84.99, HalloweenCostumes.com) (credit:HalloweenCostumes.com)
Gold-Plated Mako Shark Jaw(09 of30)
Open Image ModalIf one of your relatives is a member of the One Percent, than you really need to go all out to get something special, something they\'d never buy for themselves. Something NO ONE would buy for themselves. That means a gold-plated mako shark jaw, which is a steal at $10,000 (although it\'s unlikely anyone would want to steal it). ($10,000, SWGRgallery.com) (credit:http://www.swgrgallery.com/artists/)
Santa's Not Real Sweatshirt(10 of30)
Open Image ModalEven buzz-killing bastards like to get in the Christmas spirit. Actually, they don\'t. That\'s why they are buzz-killing bastards. Still, this dark, depressing sweatshirt is a subtle way of ruining Christmas for young and old alike. ($24, DentzDenim.com) (credit:DentzDenim.com)
Nice And Naughty Two-Person Sweater(11 of30)
Open Image ModalCouples looking for a way to share their holiday spirit could do worse than this two-person sweater. The problem comes when the couple can\'t decide who is naughty and who is nice. ($89.95, TipsyElves.com) (credit:TipsyElves.com)
Hipster Recreation Of Hobo Sticks(12 of30)
Open Image ModalEverything old is new again and the Bindle is proof. It\'s basically a bandana on a stick much like the ones that are only used by cartoon hobos. The difference is, the Bindle is made by Brooklyn hipsters, so it costs as much as $350. Presumably, the sticks are artisan crafted. Or not. ($89-$350, BindleBros.com) (credit:bindlebros.com)
Drinking Game Christmas Sweater(13 of30)
Open Image ModalThis ugly Christmas sweater will liven up any party. That is, if you don\'t mind being pelted with velcro balls. ($89.95, TipsyElves.com) (credit:TipsyElves.com)
Money Face Mask(14 of30)
Open Image ModalDo you dream of money? Sure you do, but your dreams of wealth can only be better if you\'re wearing a face mask filled with cut-up pieces of currency. Not only does it block out the sunlight, but also the reality of your precarious financial situation. ($13.99, MoneyNeverSleepz.com) (credit:MoneyNeverSleepz.com)
Slippers That Warm Via A USB Port(15 of30)
Open Image ModalSelf-tying sneakers still haven\'t made it to the mass market, but these are almost as cool: Slippers that warm up when attached to a USB port. In the interest of your safety, you really should disconnect the slippers from your computer before walking away. ($39.95, ModCloth.com) (credit:ModCloth.com)
Optimus Prime Robe(16 of30)
Open Image ModalDad will be transformed into something fine when he wears this Transformers robe. ($49.95, TVStoreOnline.com) (credit:TVStoreOnline.com)
Astronaut Flask(17 of30)
Open Image ModalIf being on a spaceship for months at a time isn\'t a reason to drink, I don\'t know what is. This astronaut-themed flask is a good way for Earthlings to remember that NASA is also the initials for \"Nice Alcohol Stupor Asshat.\" ($39.95, HomeWetBar.com) (credit:HomeWetBar.com)
Clutch Bag That Looks Like A Peanut Butter And Jelly Sandwich(18 of30)
Open Image ModalPurses and peanut butter and jelly sandwiches have little in common other than being nouns that begin with the letter \"P.\" This clutch bag that resembles the popular schoolyard lunch goes a small way to reducing that divide. My dream is to see a female celebrity carry this at an awards show. I will probably dream for a long time. ($3.99, FunSlurp.com) (credit:DrunkMall.com)
Bracelet That Is Really A Flask(19 of30)
Open Image ModalYour fashion-conscious friends will say, \"Hmm, nice non-descript bracelet.\" Your alcoholic buddies will say, \"Oh, my God! That\'s a flask! Hey, look! She\'s got a flask on her hand! Oh, I need a drink. Can I take a sip? Please? Please? Seriously.\" You should be warned: It only holds barely a shot so you may want to wear a bunch of them and say you\'re doing a retro-Cyndi Lauper Madonna thing.\" ($39.99, ModCloth.com) (credit:ModCloth.com)
Male Stripper Wine Bottle Holder(20 of30)
Open Image ModalSurely, you\'ve thought, \"I wish my wine bottle holder was blatantly phallic.\" We all have, right? Thank goodness for this bottle holder. If I could, I\'d thank the creator of it by sticking a dollar in their underwear. ($24.99, AlwaysFits.com) (credit:AlwaysFits.com)
Dirt Of The Month Club(21 of30)
Open Image ModalPicture this: Your loved ones wake up Christmas morning and discover you got them a bag of dirt. Even better: The promise of more -- another bag of dirt each month for the rest of the year. Yeah, they may hate you, but then you\'ll point out that there is gold in the bags. They will love you -- until you tell them they have to pan for it. ($39.95-$299.95, PayDirtGold.com) (credit:PayDirtGold.com)
Fragile Leg Lamp Sweater That Lights Up(22 of30)
Open Image ModalFew Christmas movies are as beloved as \"A Christmas Story.\" Some people know the whole movie by heart. And you will meet all of them when you wear this ugly sweater memorializing one of the movie\'s scenes. \"It\'s a major award!\" ($65.99, UglyChristmasSweater.com) (credit:Ugly Christmas Sweater)
Bigfoot Kettlebell(23 of30)
Open Image ModalKettlebells are a great way to build strength, but they lack personality. No one can say that about this one that looks like Bigfoot. It weighs 90 pounds, so you may want to start off with something less intimidating, like the one shaped like a howler monkey. ($204.20, Onnit.com) (credit:Onnit.com)
USS Enterprise Sushi Set(24 of30)
Open Image ModalSushi: The final frontier? Maybe not, but the person who you give this \"Star Trek\" sushi set will definitely spend the next five years on a mission to find a gift as cool as this. ($34.99, ThinkGeek.com) (credit:ThinkGeek.com)
Stormtrooper Reindeer Sweater (25 of30)
Open Image ModalThis year, \"Star Wars\" and Christmas are closely aligned, thanks to the release of \"The Force Awakens.\" This ugly sweater combines both holiday traditions in a way that ridicules both. Bravo! ($59.95, UglyChristmasSweater.com) (credit:UglyChristmasSweater.com)
Cheeseburger Ball Gag(26 of30)
Open Image ModalChristmas is all about giving and taking -- just like consensual BDSM. This cheeseburger ball gag is a perfect stocking stuffer for that naughty, naughty girl or boy in your life. ($49.95, GorgeOhwell.com) (credit:DrunkMall.com)
Hot Sauce Pong(27 of30)
Open Image ModalBeer pong is great for legal drinkers, but how is a person supposed to learn that all-important life skill when they\'re still in high school? By playing hot sauce pong. Instead of making your opponent drink booze, you make them drink hot sauce instead. Believe me, a few rounds of having your throat burned and you get pretty good pretty fast. ($179.99, Tabanero.com) (credit:Tabenero)
Happy Llamakkah(28 of30)
Open Image ModalUgly sweaters may be associated with Christmas, but they are appropriate for other religions as well. I thought llamas were more likely to follow Buddhism, but hey, you learn something new every day. ($54.99, TipsyElves.com) (credit:TipsyElves.com)
Cricket Candy Bar(29 of30)
Open Image ModalMost candy bars are, by law, allowed to have a certain amount of insect parts in them. The Cricket Crunch Bar just makes it obvious. Crickets are a popular snack in many parts of the world, and have a texture like puffed rice. Plus, they have fiber and protein. And the look on the kids\' faces when they pull these out of their stockings will be priceless. ($7.95, Entomarket.com) (credit:Entomarket.com)
Pee And Poop Stuffed Toys(30 of30)
Open Image ModalLeave it to the Swedes. The country that gave the world IKEA, ABBA and really gassy meatballs has now turned defecation and urine into cuddly stuffed toys. This certainly is a better alternative than letting the kids play around with the real thing. ($39.95, SwedenToys.com) (credit:SwedenToys.com)