孤独を愛せるように――。25歳の私が、一人旅で学んだこと

もっと幸せになるために―--自分に挑戦することにしました。
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3カ月前、私はすべてを投げ捨て旅に出ることに決めました。いわゆるスランプに陥っていました。自信がなくて、大学卒業後に経験したいくつかの失恋の悲しみを引きずっている自分が本当に嫌でした。自分の中に、クリエイティブなひらめきが消えてしまったと感じました。もっと幸せになるために―--自分に挑戦することにしました。

全力を注いでいたフルタイムの仕事を辞め、持ち物をすべて実家の地下の物置に移し、ヨーロッパへ向かう片道チケットを予約しました。貯金といくらかのローンで何とかなるだろうと信じて、友だちや家族、そして猫に、泣きながらワインで別れの杯を交わし、必需品を詰め込んだ巨大なバックパックを背負いました。

到着した空港で搭乗口に座って、くり返し自分にいい聞かせました。「本当に出発するのよ。前からずっとやりたかった一人旅に出るのよ。本当に素晴らしいことが起きて、人生が変わる経験になるわ。私は強くて、自立した女性。やれる」そんな私は、怖くて怖くてたまらなかったのです。

何度も飛行機、列車、フェリーに乗り、ユースホステルに泊まり、ソファで寝て、10週間で10カ国を何百万歩と歩いた後......、私の頭は冴えて自信がつき、以前よりも相対的にずっと自分自身と人生に満足できるようになりました。

Open Image Modal

一人旅は、すべてを大局的に眺め、自分にとてつもないことができる能力があると気づかせてくれる何かがあります。私のように、旅を渇望し、思い切って一人旅をしようとしているすべての仲間たちに、旅で起こりうることをいくつか紹介します。

■一人旅では、孤独を愛せるようになります。

今回の旅で、私が最も複雑な関わりを持った相手は自分でした。当初は自分の内面を見つめなおしたいと思っていました。私は気分の移り変わりが激しくて、有頂天になったり疑念でいっぱいになったら、すぐに気分が変わったのです。一人の時間がたくさんあったので、日記をつけて自分の心を見つめ、何を感じているのか知ろうとしました。

正直な気持ちを日記に書くことで、日々の生活の中で、自分が何に幸せを感じるのかを見出すことができました。それによって、自分のスケジュール作りがずっと楽しいものになりました。ホステルやAirbnbの宿泊先で、旅行仲間と簡単に出会えました。多くの旅人は、私と同じ一人旅。しかし、私が最も自信を持てた瞬間は、曲がりくねった脇道で道に迷ったとき、目の前に広がった景色に心を奪われたとき、一人で食事をばくばく食べるとき、などでした。

■他人を信頼できるようになります。

女性の一人旅では、必ずといっていいほど危険な状況に遭遇します。ベッドを共にすることを期待している不気味なAirbnbのホストたち、私と一緒にベッドにもぐりこんで、出て行かない酔っ払ったホステルのルームメイトたち、夜明けに洗面台にいる巨大な毛むくじゃらのクモ......。私はこのすべてを忘れようとしています。なぜなら、旅の大半はとても安全で、私は間違いなく他人を信頼できるようになったからです。

出会ったばかりなのに、自分の話を信じてくれるすばらしい人々にたくさん出会うでしょう。宿泊先のホストに迎えられ、すぐに家族のように打ち解けられることを、本当にうれしく思うでしょう。ほとんど誰に対しても気楽に話しかけて自己紹介をして、助けを求め、打ち解けたおしゃべりできるようになるでしょう。誰にも伝えたい物語があり、本当にすばらしい人々がいるのです。

直観は、裏切ることはありません。私は、直観を心から信じています。直観は旅行の最も大切なことのひとつだと思います。直観が、自分を正しい道に導いてくれたことが何度となくありました。何となく大丈夫な気がしなかったので宿泊を見送った家が何軒かありました。

ひとりで帰宅するリスクを取るよりも、外出しない方が良いと判断した夜もありました。なんとなく良くない気がしたので、無視して避けたような、わずらわしい人たちがたくさんいました。危険を感じたらその場から立ち去り、嫌悪感を向けてくる人には、迷わずきっぱりとした態度で、いいたいことを伝えることです。自分の直観を信じて、いつも油断しないことです。

■毎日のシンプルな服装と身支度がわかります。

ユースホステルに滞在するときは、特に有効です。旅行中は見た目も服装も自由です。本当に新鮮です! ファッションセンスに従って、天候や快適さに合わせて服装を決めてください。

私は数枚の基本アイテム(重ね着は便利)、ワンポイントのネックレス、多目的に使えるシューズ、アクセントカラーとして明るいタンクトップ数枚を、バックパック・セットで、ノルウェーからポルトガルまで着回すことができました。

日中は、メイクはせず(お肌にも良いですし、メイクしなくても自信が持てるようになります!)、水のいらないドライシャンプーでボサボサのヘアスタイルをうまくまとめました。夜出かけるときに"華やかにする"と決めたときは、BBクリーム、コンシーラー、マスカラ、数色のアイシャドーで仕上げました。

■ゆとりが生まれ、落ち着きはじめます。

正直いって、朝9時から夕方5時までの仕事から離れて無職になることは、簡単ではありません。突然、目的がほとんどなくなった気がして、日課がないことで不安をかき立てられました。ペースの速い現代社会で、とくに絶えず動き続ける大都市では、私たちは常に何かをしていて、他の何かを探し求めているような感じで、心から満足することは決してありません。

生活のペースを落として、文字通り今ある目の前の景色に感動することで、世の中にはとても多くのチャンスがあることに気づきました。そのチャンスは、ちきに"従うべきもの"と教えられた会社員の生活規範とは一致しないものです。私は次第に、落ち着かない気分は薄らぎ、本当の「計画」が何もないにも関わらず心から地に足がついた気分になり始めました。

冒険は終わることはありません。この前、差し迫りつつある現実世界へ戻る日を考えて、ちょっと憂うつな気分になりました。今回の旅ではとても多くのものを得ましたが、家に帰って"普通の日課"に戻ったら、そのすべてを失ってしまうのでは? と思ったのです。しかし、ある旅行仲間が、旅で最も感動的なのは、自分でまったく新しい場所を見つけ出すこと。家に帰ったからといってそれをやめる必要はないだろう? といってくれました。

そう考えてみれば、ボストンで家から一歩外に出れば、有名なハイキングのルートや古風な趣のある街並み、魅力的な美術館あり、私は今まで時間をかけて散策したことはありませんでした。今回の旅が終わっても、冒険は続けることができます。次に何を発見できるか待ち遠しいです。

............

キャロライン・バーンズはPR・マーケティングの専門家です。現在は、休職して世界を旅しています。最近旅したのは、ノルウェー、スウェーデン、デンマーク、ドイツ、オランダ、スコットランド、フランス、スペイン、ポルトガル、アイルランドです。彼女にとって旅の必需品は、大好きなコーヒー、タコス、ストリート・アート、ライブ・ミュージックです。彼女の拠点はアメリカ、マサチューセッツ州ボストンです。

Open Image Modal

この記事はハフポストUS版に掲載されたものを翻訳しました。

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With the temperature at minus 6 degrees Fahrenheit, steam vapors from the Sappi paper mill dissipate into the early morning sky in Westrbook, Maine, Thursday morning, Jan. 24, 2013. An arctic cold front continues to grip the region. (Robert F. Bukaty, AP) (credit:Robert F. Bukaty, AP)
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Snow covered Zabarwan mountains are reflected on the waters of Dal lake on January 21, 2012 in Srinagar, the summer capital of Indian Administered Kashmir, India. Weather has improved in Kashmir after a two-day spell of snowfall and rains. (Yawar Nazir, Getty Images) (credit:Yawar Nazir, Getty Images)
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Children and adults alike play soccer on a dusty field in Segou, central Mali, some 240 km (140 miles) from Bamako Monday Jan. 21, 2013. French troops in armored personnel carriers rolled through the streets of Diabaly on Monday, winning praise from residents of this besieged town after Malian forces retook control of it with French help a week after radical Islamists invaded. The Islamists also have deserted the town of Douentza, which they had held since September, according to a local official who said French and Malian forces arrived there on Monday as well. (Jerome Delay, AP) (credit:Jerome Delay, AP)
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Clearing skies await a tripod-toting photographer looking for a spot to capture the early-morning light at Portland Head Light, Thursday, Jan. 17, 2013, in Cape Elizabeth, Maine. A snowstorm that ended before dawn temporarily transformed Fort Williams Park into a snowy scene. (Robert F. Bukaty, AP) (credit:Robert F. Bukaty, AP)
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In this photo taken on Wednesday, Jan. 16, 2013, two boatmen cross the Yangon River to a jetty to carry passengers in Yangon, Myanmar. (Khin Maung Win, AP) (credit:Khin Maung Win, AP)
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A man cycles under frost-covered trees in Ghent, 50 km (31 miles) west of Brussels, Thursday, Jan. 17, 2013. (Yves Logghe, AP) (credit:Yves Logghe, AP)
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Snow covers the historic windmills at Kinderdijk, The Netherlands, on January 15, 2013. In 1997 the windmills were put on the UNESCO World Heritage List. (Robin Utrecht, AFP / Getty Images) (credit:Robin Utrecht, AFP / Getty Images)
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A road cuts through paddocks covered by frost near the village of Meteren on January 16, 2013 where temperatures reached -10 Celcius bellow zero. (Philippe Huguen, AFP / Getty Images) (credit:Philippe Huguen, AFP / Getty Images)
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Horses in a field gallop away from the sound of motorcycles competing in the 9th stage of the 2013 Dakar Rally from Tucuman to Cordoba, Argentina, Monday, Jan. 14, 2013. The race finishes in Santiago, Chile, on Jan. 20. (Victor R. Caivano, AP) (credit:Victor R. Caivano, AP)
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The Pudong business district is shrouded by heavy air pollution in Shanghai on January 16, 2013. Several days of hazardous air quality across large swathes of northern China triggered an emergency response which saw schoolchildren kept indoors, factories closed and government cars parked. Experts are urging authorities to take firmer action to confront the consequences of China\'s rapid industrialisation -- and the spending habits of the middle classes created by its economic boom. (Mark Ralston, AFP / Getty Images) (credit:Mark Ralston, AFP / Getty Images)
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A horse grazes in a pasture in early morning fog caused by frost-producing overnight temperatures in Chia, on the outskirts of Bogota, Colombia, Wednesday, Jan. 9, 2013. In Colombia\'s highlands, crops are prone to freeze damage in the first few months of the year when temperatures are high during the day but drop below zero at night. (Fernando Vergara, AP) (credit:Fernando Vergara, AP)
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Two passengers brave the frigid weather while riding outside on a ferry crossing Casco Bay in Portland, Maine, at sunrise, Thursday, Jan. 3, 2013. The overnight low temperature dropped to 0 degrees Fahrenheit in Portland. The combination of cold air and warmer ocean water created the arctic sea smoke. (Robert F. Bukaty, AP) (credit:Robert F. Bukaty, AP)
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An Indian walks surrounded by fog as the sun rises in Ajmer, India, Tuesday, Jan. 1, 2013. North India continues to face extreme weather conditions with dense fog affecting flights and trains. (Deepak Sharma, AP) (credit:Deepak Sharma, AP)
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People photograph the sunset in Rio de Janeiro, Brazil, Sunday, Jan. 6, 2013. (Felipe Dana, AP) (credit:Felipe Dana, AP)
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In this Jan. 20, 2013 photo, people wade on the shoreline of Agua Dulce beach, in Lima, Peru. While Lima\'s elite spends its summer weekends in gate beach enclaves south of the Peruvian capital, the working class jams by the thousands on a single municipal beach of grayish-brown sands and gentle waves. The only barrier to entry to Agua Dulce beach is two dollars, the price of bus fare to get there and home. (AP Photo/Rodrigo Abd)
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Partly snow covered mountains are seen near Enisried, southern Germany, on January 3, 2013. Meteorologists forecast rainy weather with temperatures around six degrees for southern Germany. (Karl-Josef Hildenbrand, AFP / Getty Images) (credit:Karl-Josef Hildenbrand, AFP / Getty Images)
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A person looks at waves of the Mediterranean sea in Tel Aviv, Israel, Monday, Jan. 7, 2013. Wind gusts reached up to 40mph, as waves reached 9 meters high (30 feet). (Ariel Schalit, AP) (credit:Ariel Schalit, AP)
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Clouds from a nearby bushfire are seen over Mount Wellington during day one of the Hobart International at Domain Tennis Centre on January 4, 2013 in Hobart, Australia. (Mark Metcalfe, Getty Images) (credit:Mark Metcalfe, Getty Images)
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In this photo taken on Sunday, Jan. 6, 2013, Plosky Tolbachnik volcano erupts in Russia’s Far Eastern Kamchatka Peninsula. A Russian volcano which started erupting last week has continued to spew ash and smoke into the air. The Plosky Tolbachik volcano, in the Kamchatka Peninsula, last erupted in 1976. (Alexander Petrov, AP) (credit:Alexander Petrov, AP)
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A view of the full moon over the sky of Rome on June 23, 2013 in Rome, Italy. Tonight a pink full moon was expected to appear in the sky of Rome. The event occurs once a year when the moon reaches its nearest point to Earth, making it appear much larger than usual as well as being a peculiar shade of pink. The spectacle can be seen throughout the world, weather permitting. (credit:Franco Origlia / Getty Images)
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A full moon is seen over an iceberg that broke off from the Jakobshavn Glacier on July 23, 2013 in Ilulissat, Greenland. As the sea levels around the globe rise, researchers affilitated with the National Science Foundation and other organizations are studying the phenomena of the melting glaciers and its long-term ramifications. The warmer temperatures that have had an effect on the glaciers in Greenland also have altered the ways in which the local populace farm, fish, hunt and even travel across land. In recent years, sea level rise in places such as Miami Beach has led to increased street flooding and prompted leaders such as New York City Mayor Michael Bloomberg to propose a $19.5 billion plan to boost the city’s capacity to withstand future extreme weather events by, among other things, devising mechanisms to withstand flooding. (Joe Raedle / Getty Images) (credit:Joe Raedle / Getty Images)
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A cloud of ash belches out of Mexico\'s Popocatepetl volcano, some 55 km from Mexico City, as seen from Paso de Cortes, in the Mexican central state of Puebla, on May 20, 2013. Authorities have raised the alert level to \"Yellow Phase Three,\" the fifth of a seven-stage warning system, restricting access to an area of 12 km around the volcano while preparing evacuation routes and shelters. (Arturo Andrade / AFP / Getty Images) (credit:Arturo Andrade / AFP / Getty Images)
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Near totality is seen during the solar eclipse at Palm Cove on November 14, 2012 in Palm Cove, Australia. Thousands of eclipse-watchers have gathered in part of North Queensland to enjoy the solar eclipse, the first in Australia in a decade. (Ian Hitchcock / Getty Images) (credit:Ian Hitchcock / Getty Images)
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A full moon sets behind the Christ the Redeemer statue on top of Corcovado hill in Rio de Janeiro, Brazil, on May 25, 2013. Pope Francis will visit to Rio de Janeiro during the World Youth Day event on July 23 to 28. (credit:YasuYoshi Chiba / AFP / Getty Images)
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A bee flies in front of a sunflower planted on July 11, 2013 in Sayo, Japan. Approximately 1.2 million sunflowers are planted in 24.1 hectares over six sunflower fields in the city of Sayo, Hyogo Prefecture, west Japan. (Buddhika Weerasinghe / Getty Images) (credit:Buddhika Weerasinghe / Getty Images)
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A Humpback whale jumps in the surface of the Pacific Ocean at the Uramba Bahia Malaga natural park in Colombia, on July 16, 2013. Humpback whales (Megaptera novaeangliae) migrate annually from the Antarctic Peninsula to peek into the Colombian Pacific Ocean coast, with an approximate distance of 8,500 km, to give birth and nurse their young. Humpback whales have a life cycle of 50 years or so and is about 18 meters. (credit:Luis Robayo / AFP / Getty Images)
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Cherry blossoms bloom on the edge of the Tidal Basin after a colder than normal March and chilly April delayed the beginning of the cherry blossom season in the nation\'s capital April 8, 2013 in Washington, DC. Peak bloom was originally predicted between March 26 and March 30th, with the revised prediction moving to April 6-10. (Win McNamee / Getty Images) (credit:Win McNamee / Getty Images)
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A statue is pictured in the cloudy sky of Rome on November 17, 2013. (credit:Gabriel Bouys / AFP / Getty Images)
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Sunset over Rio de Janeiro, on November 15, 2013. (Christophe Simon / AFP / Getty Images) (credit:Christophe Simon / AFP / Getty Images)
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The Tokyo Tower, center, stands amid other buildings as it is reflected on a table at dusk in Tokyo, Japan, on Wednesday, Nov. 13, 2013. Japanese companies eased off on capital-spending growth in the third quarter and failed to step up exports even with a cheaper yen, contributing to an economic slowdown that puts pressure on Prime Minister Shinzo Abe. (Tomohiro Ohsumi / Bloomberg / Getty Images) (credit:Tomohiro Ohsumi / Bloomberg / Getty Images)
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A view of the Blue Ridge mountains seen from Skyline Drive early November 23, 2013 in Shenandoah National Park in Virginia. (Karen Bleier / AFP / Getty Images) (credit:Karen Bleier / AFP / Getty Images)
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The sky changes color over the U.S. Capitol as the sun begins to rise September 25, 2013 in Washington, DC. Later today the U.S. Senate will vote on a stopgap spending bill that that passed the House last week. (credit:Mark Wilson / Getty Images)
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Trees at the peak of Fall color are seen looking out over the Piedmont October 26, 2013 from Shenandoah National Park in Virginia. (credit:Karen Bleier / AFP / Getty Images)
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A picture on November 25, 2013, shows the sunset in Nice, southeastern France. (credit:Valery Hache / AFP / Getty Images)

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